I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
