dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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