My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
