i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
