Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
