Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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