its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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