you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
