Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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