There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
