i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
