he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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