You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
