Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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