I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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