So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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