She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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