i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
