What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
