Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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