Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
