And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My bed smells like the plague
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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