first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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