I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Bring me that man meat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
