his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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