my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
