i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
