We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
