Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
