Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i think my cat just said my name.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I want a musical about memes.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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