Yo dont text me then not text me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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