If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
