he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
