i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
