It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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