He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
3pm strippers are depressing
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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