So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
