I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
