i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Boobs speak an international language.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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