took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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