Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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