walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
