Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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