I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
