it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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