i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
