he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
