I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
