She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
