hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
