my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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