girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
