I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
