Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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