in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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