and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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