hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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