is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
