I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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