so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
