he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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